*Picture from www.xxkoori-himexx.deviantart.com
Warning!!! This is not a light hearted post. It is quite personal. A few years ago I noticed I was getting some attention from a guy I barely knew. Over a course of a few months we started chatting, which turned into facebook messages, which turned into text messages, which turned into calls, communication was at least daily. I'd never had a relationship before and assumed, with advice from others that this was the natural progression of two people who like each other getting to know each other and eventually forming a romantic relationship. For the first time I let myself be open and honest and vulnerable, sharing things you don't usually share with just anyone, some I obviously now regret. And, eventually I completely fell in love with this person. You know, the type of love where you would do anything or go anywhere for that person. You'd even make sacrifices just so they would be happy. To be there for them whenever they needed you. Then quite suddenly things changed and it turned out he didn't feel the same. I couldn't understand what happened, and still don't even today. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I was heartbroken, like someone had smashed my heart into a million pieces and I was sure I'd never put them back together. Was it me? Was it him? Was there another reason? Maybe I'll never know. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. This were said and done which turned things a little ugly at times. But over time I started to heal and eventually started dating my now ex-boyfriend - just would like to point out it was a mutual break up due to us wanting different things for the future, my ex is a wonderful person and we are still good friends so this post is definitely not about him. Looking back I can see how my very painful experience shaped my relationship with my ex (I actually don't like the term "ex" because we are still good friends). It showed me what I liked and didn't like in a person and what I wanted out of a relationship. The reason I'm talking about this today is because I had a dream about 'that guy' and it brought up so many painful memories from that time. Why? I have no idea, I thought I'd dealt with it. Maybe it's one of those 'first love' things, you never quite get over or forget it. So, as painful as it was, I'm thankful for my period of heartbreak. It helped me grow as a person and know what I want in a future partner. I'm single at the moment but you just never know what the future holds. I'm hopeful :)
P.S. I've withheld names for personal reasons. Should you feel the need to comment, please leave names OUT.
Hey sweetheart. Sometimes love stinks, but it's great that you learnt so much from your experience with "that guy" that you can take into future relationships. Not as baggage, but as knowledge and strength. Love you so much xxxx
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